he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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