..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
