Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
