We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
two words...techno handjob
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
