She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
