hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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