im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
