Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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