you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
