I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
