Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you inspire me to be a worse person
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
