after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
