hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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