Jerry, you need to find god
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
