love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
