Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im holly from the hills drunk
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
