dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize