were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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