So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
