The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize