just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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