The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
