Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
