2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
