I want to make a zoo with you.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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