I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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