YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
