Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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