Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
