im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
