I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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