I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
