I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
