Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
