i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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