You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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