Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
