Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
