When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
