i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Green mimosas i think yes
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
