Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
