there's paper in my vomit.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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