Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
