Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
