whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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