your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
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