He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
