your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize