why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
