Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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