she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
