ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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