I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
