Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
