it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
