is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You made out with two different species that night
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
