the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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