I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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