im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
