And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will pee on everything he values.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize