East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
