Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
