I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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