Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You can't motorboat a personality
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dick very happy bro
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
