in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
